Decisions, decisions!

It's been a tough weekend, I've thought long and hard about my decision to return to work or not. I've weighed up all the pros and cons, I've been to Gretna to secure christmas work, but left feeling less than excited at the prospect of working less than 16 hrs for people who probably don't give a monkeys about you and will drop you in less than two to three months if that.

I suppose if I've to admit anything, that apart from the gripes on communication and the lack of wages and some of the children I work with, I do still like the job. Well maybe its the adult conversation, the listening to people talking about what they do at home, out with friends, the general banter. But there are times when I think jeez I could be getting on with so many things at home right now. But would I?

Would I want to be racing home and spring clean the entire house from top to bottom every day, well seriously clear the top soil from the kids room, fire blast the toilet and gut out the garden??? No!!!

What I suppose I do mean, is that I'd much rather be writing up my sci-fi novel and complete book 2 which is fast running out of ideas yet again. The original book 2 met the misfortune of being deleted from the Memory Stick, by the memory stick as it appears to be faulty. The entire 234 pages of story that was just rounding off the last chapter before putting it to bed. I cried and mourned for that story as there were so many funny pieces of conversation and so many action pieces. You'd think someone had died, but in a way creativity had died, my ideas were destroyed. Now of course I've attacked the book from a different angle and it reads a lot better, but I'm still stuck, well not stuck but there are two action scenes coming up. The final chapter sees the hero suffering another loss in his life, but I'm worried that this will turn into a crime story with a vengeance rather than a sci-fi story of which its meant to. There is a human element in this story, there always was, but it's like Harry Potter, JK was always bumping off one character in each story, so I suppose my hero has to lose so that his strength builds towards the finale in book 8 or 12. I'm working towards the apocalyptic war, and as most wars go, they are pretty violent and action packed and bloody good fighting scenes. And I'm champing at the bit because I so want to move onto the last book of the series, but I know I can't until I'm certain I have a market for the first book.

But I need to save and so therefore, putting aside my gripes and seeing how far we have till Christmas, and I'm supposed to be paid more than the NMW, perhaps I should just stick with it until something better comes along. It's just the Academy, there's a total lack of support and I feel that if something isn't done soon about it, more people will leave. Fighting for the single status pay isn't top of my agenda, I personally don't think they'll get it. The council don't even care about the roads, what chance have we at getting better pay???

So that's my diary entry for Sunday 28th September. At least this is one diary I can safely do without the risk of trees being chopped down. Back to work tomorrow and fingers crossed it'll be a better day, I certainly hope so.

Flat broke but still determined

So here I am, back at the computer figuring out what the hell to do now. Another week of no wages, jeez can it get any worse? Yeah, hell could freeze over, or there could be a tsunami in Annan and my house would be underwater, the only comforting thing would be at least I wouldnt need to bother cutting the grass - the downside would be the ferrets would need aqua lungs!!!

So yes, I'm as I state back in front of the computer listening to Air Guitar II quite loudly to feel the full effect of the beat vibrating up through the chair and rattling the glasses on the bedside cabinet.

I've a mind to sort up a new screenplay, just a one off drama again. I can see the scenes so clearly in my head and the music playing in the background is helping set the mood. I have three characters who feature heavily in the whole plot, plus the antagonist who is a devilishly nasty piece of work. A pure genius in fact that needs to be stopped, but the man to stop him is in prison for allegedly creating the first disaster to befall the country. He's another genius, he is autistic to some degree but the government needs him to stop this mastermind before London falls to the bombers and the city barriers flood the city. Along those lines. I'm still working on the plot line. I have the idea of using something so basic yet brilliant but not going to mention it on the blog for fear of someone taking my ideas.

I wrote a lot of Doctor Who stories and other sci fi stories and whenever I'd written it and saved it, I'd turn on the telly that I rarely watch these days to find that Russell T Davies was using the same idea for Doctor Who. Damn I thought, then I considered the possibilities of both owning such great minds with such talents as these.

I should be out there sorting out my lack of wages for a second week. But where I work has a lack of communication with its staff and no matter how loud I shout, nobody seems willing to listen, so why bother? I've been in touch with the wages dept, they're sorting it out for me without me returning to work. I was off ill today, darn tablets working against me again.

Today I've been profiling my characters in my new sci fi story which when I've raised the £700 will be getting published. In my bank £9, a way to go yet!!!!

It's quite good fun as you discover new things about your characters you never thought about when you began writing about them initially. Suddenly they begin to take on a more 3D appeal, and now I know more about one particular character, having opened up her profile to read like a well constructed family tree.

My OU stuff came yesterday and I can see so many things I never considered in my story, hence the reason to profile my characters more than I did initially. One character I know so well that he is 3D, but the others need to be as well known as my best friend, my sister and my parents, because if I know all about them......

I hate to ask but...

I hate to ask but is this true
That my wages are late because of you?
That once again I'll be in the red
Incur the charges that I already dread.

A birthday party I have this week
The cost of which I'll have to seek
From other sources but not my wages
They're not in the bank, I'll need to wait ages.

I've a cake to bake, this will not do
To be in debt again because of you.
I feel that I can't carry on
But I'm not alone, not the only one.

You seem to think it is okay
To mess me around for another day.
So I make the phone calls and wish I had
Used the 'pony' and made you mad.

The Union is fighting for single status pay
All I want is my wages today.
All I want is cash in the bank
But on Friday I felt that it all really stank!

So I hope and I pray that this Friday
I'll go to the bank and you'll hear me say
Yippee, whoohoo the cash is here
No charges brought, I have no fear.

It'll happen again, for sure it will
And once again my language will spill
Out in the open, the sky will be blue
And all the chickens will be headless too.
'It's typical Council.' my husband says
'They have no money so they mess you 'round instead.'

I feel it is typical of the society today
That if we don't kick up when we get no pay.
It will keep occurring until someone moans
But having said that, no-one answers the phones.
The timesheet lady is never in her room
And if facts are correct she's likely flying her broom!

Ho Bitchy I am on a day like this
When I'm sick of the job and I want to miss
The day off tomorrow, want to stay in my bed
As I have such a pain inside of my head.
Pounding so hard against my brain
Is it a stress headache or a migraine?

Feigning a sicky, years since I've done that
Some might think it normal or maybe daft.
I get paid more than minimum wage
Should I be quitting at my age?
Hey I'm not an old fogey by any length
But the pressure is taking all of my strength.

So pay me my wages or I will just quit
I might be poor but not quite in the s--t!
There are still some areas I've not checked out
Probably all taken I've no doubt.
But still some avenues worth undertaking
Selling tablet again - cash in the making!!!

A more positive outlook

Today (24th September) I received a phone call from Dean Shah from Authorhouse, who are self publishers, but not Vanity publishers. I can if successful with my manuscript, get my sci-fi story published. It will however cost me £645, so I need a better job than the one I have right now at the Academy.

With that in mind, my next port of call is the job centre website and Fish4Jobs. I need to pay for the publishing which if it gets my work out there and it was explained far clearer than reading the brochures. They cover everything and I get full royalties, they do the sales and the promotion and if I get a lit.agent afterwards they'll still publish the work.

So despite my previous reservations, the thought of waiting 2-10 years for a lit. agent to decide whether this unknown writer is worth taking that risk over, I can get my work out and published probably before Christmas or in time for January possibly. It's a lot better than I first contemplated and for once I can see that silver lining that I talked about last week.

Frustrated and Broke

This weekend has been a nightmare, a disaster in all manner of the word, in fact the week prior to the weekend was crap too. Wednesday was ok, I like my wednesday's, I have the day off and for this I won't be penalised when the school has strike action this coming wednesday 24th September.

However towards the end of the week, the thursday evening, I received a phone call from a credit card company informing me that someone had tried to use my credit card online to buy music downloads from iTunes. This annoyed me because less than a month ago some nasty piece of work hacked into my now closed MSN account and stole all my contacts and used them to send Trojan Horses to all my friends and contacts. The only way I found out was due to four of the sent emails bouncing back to me by the Postmaster failed system. I then had to spend an hour and a half emailing all my friends and contacts with my new email address to inform them to delete the old email address that I had and any that came into their email pigeon holes.

Then I discovered that someone had also used my ebay account to sell some fraudulent sunglasses. Because I randomly received ebay emails, and a lot of those were spoof, I also ignored the real ones from Ebay. It was only when I went into the Messages section of Ebay that I discovered my site was temporarily closed due to the fraudulent sunglasses breaching all kinds of not copyright but trademark laws. So after many emails to and fro between myself and ebay, they apologised, lifted the ban on me and I reset my password.

So to have the credit card used against me and then having the card cancelled by the bank I'm not having such a brilliant month am I?

Then to cap it all off, the first two weeks after returning to work after the school holidays the wages department have no trace of my timesheet and then when they do its sent in late and so I get no wages for two weeks, and incur a £28 bank charge for being overdrawn when the payments for the internet come out. I only work 12 hours a week as it is and then when I do get my wages the sods are still taking tax off me when they shouldnt. So after finally sorting it all out I get two weeks back pay which they nobble £32 in tax off me which they still shouldnt be doing as I'm still below the tax code. THEN, this week, I hotfoot it to the bank knowing I have several bills to pay and still no ruddy money in.

It does make me feel like crawling back under the duvet and not coming out again for some time.

I seriously need a career change!

I also need some good luck and copious amounts of money and then I reckon I'd have cracked it. But in the meantime, I'll keep writing the stories, keep putting up my comments and poetry and look out of the window for that silver lining that doesn't indicate its going to rain again next week.

Protecting the Chosen One

Protecting The Chosen One (A Doctor Who poem as seen on Drwho-online forum)

The dining table alight with food

The guests all sit with bated breath

Matilda comes in with her brood

Young Ellen looks close to death.

Bruce is sporting a black eye

Constance parks her bum.

Matty Bauer loosens his tie

Katie sucks her thumb.

The seat across the table from me

Is empty. Someone is missing

I glance across the room and see

That Billie Jo is kissing.

The chair is moved and he sits down

The table now is full

Each drinks a toast to Martha Brown

Who's left for the Isle of Mull.

He rests his head on bended hands

And grins that smile I know

While people turn as they hear the band

Play music from Tupelo.

He pours himself some wine and drinks

He eyes me all the time

I try to avert my eyes and think

But turn back to him and mime.

Just what the hell you doing here

Is the galaxy not big enough?

He shakes his head and pulls his ear

Offended at the rebuff.

He flicks his head towards the door

And alights from his seat

I follow across the carpeted floor

And trip over laced up feet.

While sitting down oblivious

Matilda's children had had some fun.

They were all acting mischievous

And now their job was done.

For unknown to the dinner guests

And for those whose shoes had laces.

They'd tied them up the little pests

While folks occupied their spaces.

I dragged myself up off the floor

And exited the room

He stared outside and I know for sure

He was staring at the moon.

Is it customary to follow me

To every place I go?

He grinned and its then that I could see

That he would never ever say no.

I looked into his eyes and sighed

It would always be this way.

That no matter if I was to hide

He'd never leave but stay.

He'd fight the monsters in my life

He'd protect me every night.

He would never use a gun or knife,

But use a screwdriver with a blue light.

He'd keep me safe for ever more

I heard him say that once.

To someone standing on the shore

When they turned to him askance.

No matter whom I fight today

It's tomorrow he's frightened of.

When the war tempts people across the world

Like a light bulb to a moth.

He knows that I will have to fight

Its the reason I was born.

To protect the humans with all my might

Before the blood red dawn.

He led me to his space ship

The Tardis it was called.

In there he taught me to equip

With the knowledge he'd installed.

My levels of intelligence

Had risen once again.

His teachings though were so intense

They almost fried my brain.

I grew up learning physics

And Binary and Math.

And what chemicals I couldn't mix

When I did I felt his wrath.

He would never open up to me

His feelings locked inside.

But when I used telepathy

He could sense as my eyes were wide.

That I'd visualised this angels mind

I could see how much he'd lost.

And although he was still very kind

His freedom came at a cost.

The war that was to end all wars

Was fought way out in space.

The battle to settle one almighty score

I could see it in his face.

I held him close that very night

His body shook with such emotion.

He lay sleeping in the moonlight

As I sat and watched the ocean.

He told me that he never slept

I know that was a lie.

But after that night he wept

I knew he'd wonder why.

I stayed with him, I didnt leave

Where would I go and why?

We both needed time to grieve

And say our last goodbye.

Our planets gone and this war on Earth

Will come around once more

And we will fight for all our worth

And settle the final score.

Copyright 2008

The Curse

This poem isn't about anyone I know, nor is it about me. I wrote this last night and I think it was just where my head was at. Let me know what you think. Sometimes the poems I write are the basis to something bigger I'm working on, some turn into ideas for scripts or stories.

THE CURSE

My life is changed from bad to worse

It's so surreal this bloody curse.

Wrapped around my inner soul

Like cornflakes stuck inside the bowl.

I try to run I try to hide

These feelings are deep they burn inside.

I can't escape this inner fear

But I'm losing all that I hold dear.

Run you fool, run from me

There's nothing left for you to see.

This tangled web of lies we weave

To better ourselves or to deceive.

I fear I'm losing my grip on life

I swap my shackles for the knife.

It cuts so deep I lie here bleeding

I'm dripping blood, my life's receding.

It's foolish I know to think I could

Be better than you, to be that good.

But look at me, this tethered soul

Chained to a life that's growing so cold.

My head is swimming I feel so weak

My outlook on life is very bleak.

Where once my view was miles of land

Where I would run and you would stand.

You'd count to ten and look for me

And I would hide behind the tree.

And you would seek me and we'd share

That moment, that kiss, its so not fair.

One tiny lie, one drink too many

And now you're gone, I'm the bad penny!

You were the best thing in my life

Next summer I would be your wife.

How could I have got this so wrong?

Why am I weak and never strong?

But its too late, my end is near

I can see a face but I can't hear.

My wrists are bound I'm stretchered out

To somewhere worse I have no doubt.

I close my eyes and now I hear

Your gentle voice are you really near?

For pity's sake I am just dreaming

My wish to see you, is that me screaming?

My eyes are open, you're in the room

Your smile is tearing away the gloom.

Perhaps we can start over again

But is that too soon, perhaps just friends?

I miss the tender moments we had

Before the lies that made you mad.

I hope that we can try once more

I hate the sound of slamming doors.

I know this started off with me

Why do I do these things to thee?

You've never hurt me once at all

In all the times when I did call.

You all the names under the sun

And I didnt mean any of them.

But I came from a place so very cold

Where I was cut straight from the mould.

Where I would pick up where my mother left off

To find fault with everything and I would scoff.

At all your attempts at winning me over

From buying me flowers to that purple pullover.

I'd bicker and moan and throw a fit

Not once did you raise your hand and hit.

Oh Danny I wish I could take it back

And curse this nightmare that's so very black.

But this is me and I can't change

These things that make me become so deranged.

What must you think of this fair maiden?

Who answered your prayers when you were laden?

Who tended to you when you were sick

Or who fought off your ex with a brick.

I need to go, it wouldn't work

You don't need me, I am a jerk.

Find yourself a better mate

Who's never going to make you late.

Who'll never upset your family and friends

Who'll always be there with you till the end.

That's not me for bad for worse

I'm stuck in this rut with this nightmare curse.

Copyright 2008

Starting out with the write frame of mind

No that's not a spelling mistake in case someone's noticed. I love words, don't you? I love to write words, 500 a day which means I write very long poems and extremely long stories. This blog is me, god now I sound like a Time Lord with a fob watch! However, this blog is about my work, about what I do every day of the week which is write. I've taken hints from David Bishop who is also a writer and I do write 500 - 1000 words a day now. Here's just some of my work, hope you like it and please feel free to leave feedback, this is what I need because if you guys like it, then I have a starting point.

ODE TO THE DOCTOR

Feel the anger, feel the fire

Be the object of my desire.

Watch the rainbow, feel the sun

A moment's triumph for everyone.

A fleeting kiss upon the wind

A moment's loss that can't begin

To understand what I have missed

Can't be replaced with just one kiss.

I know it's true for what I feel

Is something more than I'd reveal.

To anyone more than you

The Time Lord, my Doctor Who!

Take me back to that planet's peace

Where dreams and desires are increased.

Where battles were fought and heroes gained

Where dragons were slaughtered and good remained.

A place so deep in my heart I keep

Forgetting to block when I go to sleep.

I wish I could hold him again in my arms

Where the night keeps him young with his boyish charms.

Who is he, I don't know but he's in my dreams

When I close my eyes and I maybe scream

At the nightmare that cuts through the middle of my head

And when I wake up I'm back in my bed.

But the dreams are so real I'm gasping with fear

But as I focus on reality, I sense he is near.

The silence in movement he's inside my room

Standing in the shadows blocked by the gloom.

Clearing his throat, he presses the sonic

The noise echoes the room like something demonic.

He shouts all the words to capture this beast

Of my dreams as it exits before the feast.

He's my hero, but I wish he were closer than that

A moment so fleeting, something more than a chat.

I'm held in his arms as the monsters all flee

And I wish I was travelling along with thee!

My Doctor, oh Doctor, who travels alone

No-one to talk to, no-one to phone.

I wish I was with you in your blue Police box

Not here on Earth waiting and watching the clocks.

This poem is also up on the drwho-online forum.