Anger

To cast a vote, he thought and wrote
On the board, he scored another note.
Of why he thought he caught the stoat
Of dreams, he screams but not denote.

The blessed theme, to dream is true
To run is fun when skies are blue
And yet, I bet in all we do
Is stay to play around the pool.

I feel surreal but in a dream
That you do too and I could scream
Is time the crime, does milk have cream
It's sad - I go mad beside the stream.

I look in the book, the pages are torn
The bind to remind me that I was born.
In a year not feared but many were sworn
On oaths, where both would face the dawn.

I stink of the drink that I toasted today
When war killed a score before melting away
Where he died, as he tried in skies of grey
To diffuse the abused but got in the way.

Goodbye, I cry and the tears do fall
From my face, the disgrace that will kill us all.
From the son to the gun, the shadows grow tall
From bowed heads to the dead and the very small.

From this life, to the wife who holds the child
From the man to the ban that made him wild.
From the mother to the brother frustrated and riled
To me as you see so corrupt and defiled.

Lies my worth, my rebirth, ho such a lie
I can run from the sun, but I'm not shy.
I look in the book and the truth will fly
From my mouth heading south on the day you die!

Copyright 2008

Einstein And Eddington and a box of hankies.

I'm still with the blue!

My eTMA's are in, the first part of my coursework is over, and now to work on the second part. Part of me thinks I should knuckle down tonight, but my head is spinning after watching Einstein And Eddington - brilliant film. I'm no scientist, I like science and I found the film easy going and able to follow the pattern of gravity and admire Einstein a hell of a lot more now. Mostly because what he believed in was worth believing in, if you see what I mean. He was a theorist. Eddington I felt sorry for in a lot of ways and ok David Tennant was playing the part of him and he puts so much feeling into his characters that you couldn't help but feel sorry for him. Eddington was gay but he couldn't say he was, it was probably frowned upon, but his sister knew and that bit by the tree where he cried because his friend was gassed in Ypres by the Germans, well the tears were welling up inside of me. Although having said that, I was emotional with Einstein too. Both brilliant scientists in their own right being persecuted for their beliefs and both struggling to prove a theory which they did in the end.

I think I'll be reading a lot more science books from now on, so that I can understand more of the world around me and take an interest - and it all helps for the science fiction anyway.

My sister managed to acquire 2000 books today and I spent about an hour poring over some of those books and bought a few. Mostly about science and space and Doctor Who, surprise surprise. But the Doctor Who book is about the series from 1963 - 1989, so not in the time of the 10th Doctor, but lots to read.

She has loads of books from different topics and anyone wanting to buy any should contact me and I will pass the information on, should anyone feel they want to read any of what I write. Probably not!

Ahhh the weekend!

Ahhh the weekend, kick back and enjoy. Apart from the fact that despite struggling to maintain the lie in, it'll never happen, I have tons of housework to catch up on. I've worked the full week, even my day off until 3:30pm every day bar Monday and I'm knackered. So all those chores I'd normally do have been dashed completely. So looks like the hoover will be working overtime this weekend. I HATE HOUSEWORK.

Sunday looks to be good, supposed to be Christmas baking which will be a nice change, the kitchen full of aromatic spices and ginger which is always good when you're feeling off colour.

My hair is growing back, slowly and not a colour I appreciate, and too short to dash to the shops for a packet of colour. Hmm! Perhaps I won't go to extremes next November. But it was worth it to see my friends get a laugh and to do something for the kids and I did get a quick response from David which is always worth waiting for. Would love to see him for real, up close and personal.

Yes I can definitely say that he could invade my personal space anytime.

Moving along, I have just submitted my first eTMA 01, the first part of my course, I decided not to click on the test to see if it went because I ballsed up the dummy run and I didnt want to bugger up the real one. So its off and I can now concentrate on part two which will take me into January and involves a lot more writing and reading and making up new plots and stuff.

So just after 10pm and I can barely keep my eyes open. Just enough time to plan the second part of my sci-fi story or write up the ideas before shut eye.

Night night all.

Velcro

I'm still getting used to the baldness, its a weird feeling. It's also difficult to regulate the heat. I have had to put on and pull off the hoodie because my head gets too hot, too quickly and then gets cold really quickly. So that's frustrating, but I'm still smiling, it was a fantastic afternoon and I'm still making money. I received £2 extra from one of the people who sponsored me at the school Halloween disco. I am putting in money of my own that I have collected in 1p's, so that's a whole quid. Doesn't seem much, but I also put £3 together for the Pudsey teddy scratch off game, didnt win, but wasn't bothered as much as youngest, who also lost out to my cousin who won the teddybear.

Last night's total was around £21 million, that's a good figure, but money is still coming in, and I sent off an old mobile phone to generate them another £80, so its still coming in.

The one frustrating thing about having no hair, or stubbly hair as they couldnt cut much closer to the scalp is it feels like velcro. Whenever I come to take off my baseball cap or hoodie, I have to almost tug at the garment, and when I turn over in bed I'm pulling the duvet over with me, very weird. Fortunately I didnt wake with the pillow stuck to the back of my head by the spiky stubble, so that was good.

I kind of feel like not wearing the bandana, sort of 'Wear it loud and wear it Proud' sort of anthem, in a Scottish accent obviously. Can't think who said it, but it does sound good.

I'm glad David sent the photo, I've not stopped saying Thank you to it yet.

However, once tea is over tonight and beds are made up since I stripped them and then went out and forgot about them, I'll need to return to my study. It's been a fantastic lead up to the weekend and I'm still thanking people.

So if I've missed anyone out - THANK YOU ALL!

Hair today - gone today but it was worth it!

The day of reckoning, my shaved head. It is a little draughty around the back and obviously all over, but you know, it was worth it. And do you want to know the best bit - David sent me a signed photo of him from Stratford upon Avon and that just made my day. So thank you David Tennant, you are most definitely my hero!

The day went well, at 10:40am I received the phone call from Radio Scotland and Fred MacCaulay spoke to me on air at 10:55am and it was fantastic. They all said I was brave and announced to the whole of Scotland that I am on Facebook. Well I did announce it too, but Fred announced it again. So it would explain probably why Facebook suddenly crashed or ceased to work for me after I'd secured my perfect Profile pic of my baldness.

I'm more aware that its happened now, the photographer and reporter were fantastic from the newspaper and Hazel Farish took the snaps for Facebook and so far my cousin and Hazel have been the only ones to leave messages about the hair shave. But hey, early days. I've raised just over £150 for Children In Need, and its been a fantastic day. My hair is so short I reckon you could strike a match on my scalp. It's not quite as short as I was expecting, ok its short, but I was expecting it to be completely shaved, but hey, it'll do and I will be collecting the money over next week. Some of it will be collected tomorrow as I have a few errands in the town to do in the morning.

So thanks to everyone who donated and sponsored me, Pudsey will be happy!

Almost £150 raised for Children in Need so far!

I can't believe its almost here, the day I look like Sinead O'Connor in the pop vid Nothing Compares 2 U. But I'm looking forward to it. I've nearly raised £150 and there's every possibility I might raise more on the day, who knows?

Mum is coming down to lend support, my cousin will be there in the background denying she knows me. I will be wearing my spotty bandana for school tomorrow as a neckerchief as I'll need it for later on. I was intending on walking straight down to the venue, but Mum will be arriving to drive me down, so will need to be sure I have all the bits and pieces I need for the day. I have no batteries for my camera, so hope others will bring theirs and put up the pics on Facebook as proof that I did it. I might even change my profile picture.

I'm grinning excitedly, I must be mad. I know I'm mad, but you need an element of madness and this is mine. I will then have a whole 12 months to decide what I'm doing next November. I might make this a yearly thing, or maybe not. Perhaps not a headshave every year, but something else, a bake off or I don't know.

I have a lot of sponsor money to collect tomorrow though after the event, so will be doing that over the weekend and the new week. I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

For once I can safely say I DID SOMETHING DIFFERENT and I did do something for Children In Need other than watch the show from start to finish.

Only one more day to go.

I have often wondered if I'm meant to count the friday as the last day of the countdown or whether its the thursday - the last day, being as friday is the day my locks are lopped off.
Actually lopped probably isn't the right word to use, I mean, lopped would imply that my hair was really long and lopped always makes me think of rabbits, more especially Bugs Bunny. Loppy ears! And I don't have locks, that would be Goldilocks. I have straight dark brown hair, its spiked on top and short back and sides but kind of in need of a serious trim. I was modelling myself on the Doctor Who 10th regeneration haircut where my fringe hangs over the edge suspended by a serious amount of hair gel, although hair wax to be more precise. Hair wax is better, it doesn't run down your neck when its teeming with rain, its waterproof and you can restyle it without those pesky white hairs rebelling at every interval when you're not looking. Oh did I say white hairs, ahem. They must be the paint flecks from the re-decorating, (whistles an unknown tune).

It's wednesday, I've a pile of stories to write for my activities, my back is sore, but that's the pressure of the asthma at the moment. I've taken the occasional puff of the inhaler but it doesn't look to be easing any. But until the next blood test sometime in December there seems little I can do about it.

Friday is getting ever so closer and I'm not nervous yet. I daresay when I sit in the barbers chair and Colin James is prepping the trimmer and the photographer is ready with shots of the 'before and after' clips, I daresay then, I'll be nervous. Plus its 1pm, the time when all Academy students nip down the street for their dinner. But I knew this, and 1pm was the best time, because I'd have about an hour before I had to collect the children, so I'd need to collect the last of my sponsor forms and collect the money from relevant people.

Teachers in the academy are a little tight with their cash, but then I discovered why. The school is doing its own thing for the friday where one of 6 teachers will be gunged. I rather think that head shave is cleaner and less embarrassing, although I daresay there will be some children who would be happy to gunge an SLA.

The photographer and reporter are in place for before 1pm at Colin James. I have Fred Macaulay from Radio Scotland phoning me before 11am on Friday to ask why I'm doing what I'm doing for Children In Need. Local radio don't do Children in Need so left that and didnt bother with Border News. I think they'll be covering their own thing around the region.

Children in Need site doesn't show me on their chart, so how did they get to know about what I was doing? Everytime I click on Scotland it veers me away from the site and onto a video of Terry Wogan talking about last year's event. I know what happened on that event, I was watching it.

So, off for another puff of the inhaler before I walk down the street to pick up chocolate santas for my youngest. Apparently it has something to do with a Christmas project. Trouble is, I've not seen any Chocolate Santas in ages, this could take some time. Better leave now before I run out of time in my treasure hunt.

Finally coming together

You can tell when I write at night, I choose the colour blue, easier on the eyes.

I've just re-read my activity work in the OU course I'm doing and I'm pleased with myself. There is now so much more detail in the piece, that I'm spending more time describing the scene, the details in the scene and the emotions of the two characters, wow.
I'll put up this activity for you to see and then leave any feedback and tell me what you think. I'm pleased with myself because it now means that anything is possible and I will be getting my book published next year, although probably not in March because I'm going to write it from the beginning, before Miguel, before the Professor and before the clone soldiers (everybody writes about clone soldiers, why would I be any different? Because my clone soldiers ARE different - to find out how, buy the book when it comes out).

In Activity 2.9 we had to write about a character, their desire for something and make their desire a driving force. We or I had to write about a scene or summary - I did scene that creates reasons why he can never have what he wants.
Ok, I may have perhaps not got the idea exactly right, but see what you think. I'm actually pleased with the content, especially as the character has a small part in my story.

Synopsis

Joe Barker desires something that is out of his reach such as his family. Donna will never return to him, she hated the nights without him and always dreaded that knock on the door.

Donna would never return, never in a month of Sundays. She'd threatened to leave so many times before, but I never for one minute thought she would. I tried, I really did, to be home in time for Alicia's birthday, to be there when she tried out for the school hockey team, but work always took precedence. I couldn't just let the criminal get away, I couldn't leave Miguel to fight the clones on his own. He's the best cop I've got, I can't afford to lose him. I know I've got to stop with the job, one of these days it'll kill me, I'm damn sure of that. I'll be at the next game......

'I can't do this anymore, Joe, you promised.' Donna spoke with such conviction, he knew she'd follow it through this time.
'I'm sorry, I swear I tried, you know what it's like hun?' He pleaded with her, lifting her clothes back out of the suitcase in an attempt to slow her down. She slammed the case lid down on his hands and he removed them painfully.
'Once or twice Joe I could accept you'd be late home, but you promised, but when it came down to it, you couldn't could you, not even for your own daughter.' He turned to face the open doorway and saw his daughter standing dejectedly with her small luggage case already packed and tearstains streaked down her cheeks. He wore a pained expression on his face, not from the sore hands, but for the fact he was losing what he claimed he loved more than anything else.
'Just one more chance Donna, I'll prove to you I can change.' He said taking her hand as she reached for her jacket lying on the bed. She looked into his eyes and saw genuine feelings for her. He was a loving Dad, she knew that, but only when he was home and the case he was on didn't take up all of his time. He was a loving husband when he was home and not concentrating on his work. At the beginning he was all of these things and the job didn't come first or second, but third and fourth and fifth.
As she considered staying for one last time, a chance to try again on his part, the telephone rang and she could tell he was itching to answer it.
'Forget the phone, it'll stop. Stay, please.' He begged her again but she could see the edginess in his manner, he wanted to answer that phone, like a child wants to eat chocolate, like a dog wants to steal your dinner.
'Answer the phone, Joe.' She sighed.
As he spoke to the voice on the telephone, she collected her coat from the bed and pulled it on. Joe tried to convince the caller he couldn't come right now, but the caller wouldn't take no for an answer. He stood holding the phone under his chin by his shoulder and turned to his wife and child edging towards the door. He placed his hand over the receiver but she was already walking out of the door.
'I'll call you back.' He spoke into the phone and hung it up on the hook haphazardly. He ran out into the overgrown garden with the green metal fence to keep out the wildlife. He tripped over Alicia's rusty scooter but caught himself from falling flat on his face in the gravel. She was already buckling her seatbelt when he reached her. Alicia was sitting in the booster seat in the back seat, her teddy in her arms, wet from tears she had sobbed into it.
'Donna please, please stay.' He grabbed hold of the door and tried to open it but the engine was running and her eyes were full of tears.
'I can't, not anymore. It's over.' She drove out of the road, the tears running down her face.
'Donna! Alicia!' He called out to them, his heart breaking and the tears streaking his face but by now the car was at the end of the road and turning onto the highway. As the dust settled, the car was gone, intermingling with other drivers until it was just another blue estate car in a row of other cars heading back to the city, back to where they came from before Alicia was born.

I was Born Born!

Yeah ok the title looks a little odd, but I woke up this morning with a sketch in my head and had it been a tad warmer in the room I might have actually spent the time writing it down. Although if I had one of those wands for retrieving the information and storing it in my pensieve I might have succeeded in putting down exactly word for word what my characters did say instead of ad libbing in places.

The sketch starts off in a busy office, clerks tapping away on their keyboards, people answering phones, cubicled off like a maze of people etc. On the left hand side of the office near the tea trolley - do they still have tea trolleys, stands a handful of people, all of them bar one have hung up their jackets over their chairs, but the larger character who in my dream was Mark Benton in his suit for 'Brand New Customers Only' bank is standing quietly beside a thinner bloke who we later discover is his younger brother.

The sketch begins when the group of jacketless men are discussing where they originated from, where they were born until Benton announces:

Benton: I was born born!
Jez (his brother turns his head to look at Benton in puzzlement, the others look at him queerly too). What?
Benton: I was born born.
Jez: How can you be born born?
Benton: I was born like this, in this suit!
(The rest of the group walk back to their seats, Benton has gone doolally, only Jez remains beside his brother), still holding his styrene cup and trying to ignore his brother but can't.
Jez: Why say that?
Benton: Say what?
Jez: That you were born born, doesn't make sense. You were born, but not in that suit.
Benton: Yes I was. I was born like this.
Jez drinks his coffee, frowning.
Benton: Alright, how come there are no baby photos of me, how come I have no photographs except for the office party last christmas?
Jez: I dunno!

Anyway, this is the start of the sketch, I've yet to take it further. I like it actually, and I'm planning on pursuing this for a 10 minute sketch somehow.

The coursework is getting harder, there's more to learn about characters than I first thought. I mean ok, I can write about my characters, but this is thinking of characters that they want me to think about, random characters. However, there are a lot of pieces to a character, their main set up, what they like, they look like, how they walk, talk, their favourite foods. You write to the point that you know this character inside and out, almost to the point you could have a conversation with them, an intelligent conversation. Just before they cart you off to the loony bin!

On a different note, I received a phone call from Radio Scotland today, which cheered me up as South West Sound FM in Dumfries only do Cash For Kids, not Children In Need. Radio Scotland had picked up on the fact I'm doing the head shave and will be phoning me at 10:55am on friday, so I'll need to be in either G42 or G43 and hopefully heading for the door and talking outside. I'm hoping that if the pupil is in that I work with, then at least I can drag him outside for a few minutes to kick a ball about, at least then I'm not affecting any class by speaking into my mobile. Although what the listeners might make of it. I'll need to go onto Radio Scotland later on with iPlayer to hear back what he asked me. Likely I'll not remember.

I also need to go into the town to see the Herald Office and organise where to put the poster. I need people to see where the event is taking place and raise as much money as I can on that day. Taking my stickers with me.

I've also written a letter to David, unsure if he'll respond, better post it off quick, likely it will be sometime after the event before I hear from him. Ever hopeful!

10 days and counting

It's encouraging that I'm getting loads of sponsors, friends nobble me in Somerfield and pay me cash, so I hurriedly return home and store it away and fill out the sponsor with their name as I forgot to take it with me. Some of the pupils have now discovered that I'm doing this stunt, they smirk at me in their usual way but I'm reassured because my spotty bandana from Children In Need has arrived and I can hide my bald noggin from the world while in school.

Claire from the Glasgow office of C.I.N phoned me on my mobile so I chatted with her about why I was doing it, what prompted me and how much I'd raised so far. I'm not altogether sure how much I've raised exactly, but it is in the region of £50 which is not bad for a few days. I've still to nobble my parents and sister, as I've been up a few times and still not got them to sign the form. I've to go into town this week and sort out a few extra things, like the poster in the town somewhere, perhaps the Annandale Herald office promoting the event, how much will that cost me?

I've decided I will contact the local radio station in Dumfries and Border News, well it all helps the charity doesn't it? I've not had much response for my actions from FaceBook and I have still to post off the letter to David Tennant in Stratford to see what encouragement he would offer me - if any?

I've also notified Children In Need website, so that should be up shortly, might check that out before I come off the internet and study like I'm meant to do.

But I'm now not as stressed out as before, I'm convinced now my hair won't fall out before the 14th so I'll not need to send back the money to everyone. A few more sponsors to get though, perhaps the Newspaper office, I do still need to get them to photograph me before the shot next friday. Oh god, NEXT FRIDAY!!!!!

Everything is in place

The venue is booked - Colin James Salon in Annan for 1pm on 14th November 2008. The sponsor forms are filling up, I've printed out more copies on the computer and my fundraising pack arrived yesterday. There are a lot of things to add to my event, like stickers for the kids or people who donate. I've other competitions from the fundraising and a poster I need to put up to promote the event, along with various news bulletins from the school office and perhaps I do need to contact local radio to promote it further.

However I'm stressed beyond belief and fear my hair might just fall out naturally before the event, what a disaster that would be. I have to get on with my course work but my head is all over the place and I can't get motivated.

My friends are still mourning the loss of our Doctor Who star David who will be moving onto pastures new. I on the other hand has moved on, but still love David heaps, but perhaps he has to move on, try new ventures, although he will always be My Doctor Who. The one who has made me return to the show after such a long time.

But getting everything into place, only 12 days to go. Nervous? Bricking it!